I struggle with balance sometimes. Fortunately, at the moment I have no inner ear problems... I’m thinking more in terms of the concept itself.
I have a lot on my plate.
Blogger (sometimes? Haha).
Road cycle enthusiast.
Lower back problemer.
And so on.
Sometimes I only feel like being a husband and whisking my wife away to some tropical beach.
Sometimes I only feel like sleeping.
Sometimes I feel a sharp pain in my gut that says, “Be a better father.”
Sometimes I regret having spent an hour watching reruns of The Office instead of working on something that might last.
Sometimes I don’t like to write because I don’t think I have anything to say.
Sometimes I go weeks without reading.
Sometimes I feel great about myself.
Sometimes I wish I was completely different.
The fact of the matter is, I can’t find balance between all these things because it doesn’t exist.
There are times where all of my focus is on being a dad.
There are times when I have to work in order to keep the house note paid.
There are times I push through writing because I’ll never finish if I don’t.
There are times, when the writing is done, that I have to sell what I’ve written (as little as that process may appeal to me).
There is no perfect balance.
There is ebb and flow.
There are moments.
And in this moment, what is lacking?
You have a big bill looming? No, this moment.
You have to get up early and get the kids ready for school. No, this moment.
You don’t have enough saved for retirement. No, this moment.
You’re afraid of dying. No, this moment.
When I ask this question and answer honestly, I recognize that all of my feeling of lack are related to anxiety about future events that may or may not come to pass.
When I focus on this moment, I am free.